In the interest of sooner, rather than later

The other night I tried to write about our African adoption.  (It's true! You win!)  I had a million worries and scenarios swirling in my head, and every paragraph ended up sounding all wrong to me.  I must have deleted five or six entire posts, until at last I was still typing at well past midnight and decided to call it a night.  I kept the title, posted a recent homeschool picture of Jack and a favorite Rumi quote that says much for where Kevin and I are at the moment.  I labeled it Adoption, because I hoped several months from now I would remember the night I tried and tried to write about our new baby, and couldn't get it right.

Thankfully, just a couple days later Kevin and I have made progress with some of our details, and I think I have my footing in this entry. 

I suppose I should share with you the fact that I am an obsessive planner (heh, my husband loves this about me) but we're less than great with timelines.  We talked about a wedding date, and moved it forward almost immediately.  We planned to have children five years into our marriage, and had been trying for KJ for three months by our first anniversary.  When we think about moving, or buying a new car or going on vacation, we always end up scrapping the original far-off date for something much closer.  We always overshoot on the big stuff. 

So this past July we decided that we would adopt a baby. 

We thought going out a year and some change would give us lots of time for thinking, saving and planning.  We slowly shared our news with friends and family, some of whom have been very excited and a few others who have surprised us with their lack of support.  I shared the news with all of you, and we've spent months having small conversations with our children about their sibling, growing him or her into their hearts and into our little family. 

We think about and talk about our new baby all the time, by now.  I read blogs and family journals, and often plug into search engines or YouTube so I can look at pictures and watch videos of loving families who have brought babies home.  Without fail, I always cry.

African adoption is something I've always recognized as my own.  There was never a moment where I suddenly declared it The Perfect Idea, or something I should do.  Africa has always lived in me, even in times I squelched it with thoughts of too expensive, too far away, too impossible.  As a sophomore in college I was once invited to travel to Tanzania and I loved the idea to my core, but in the end, two thousand dollars might as well have been a million to an elementary ed undergrad slash pizza waitress who was forever trying to afford next semester's books. 

Hello Africa, my old friend.  I'm making my way to you now.

The thing about meditating, and forever pondering your life's purpose, is that eventually you become more in-tune with the tiny voice deep within yourself.  (A process without end, might I add.)  I love what Martha Beck says about not needing to know exactly what your perfect life should look like, but instead make yourself aware of what feels better to you, and what feels worse.  It all comes together in that way.  Long behind me are the days where I chastised myself for not being more interested in Friday night at the bar, and even for finding a way to balance a nine-to-five career with motherhood.  Those things-- every thing is perfect for someone, and many someones (whom I have respect and admiration for) at different times.  I spent far too much time of my early adult life trying to figure that out, where my plans fit in if not with many of my immediate friends' interests and paths.  It was such a struggle for me, but I found my happiness somewhere else, and in this case, across a very large pond.  I think it vitally important for all of us to figure out what feels comfortable and what is most honest for our individual selves-- and to find a way to pursue that.

The more I learn to follow my gut, the happier I am to embrace and investigate my deep draw to spirituality, my dedication to my growing family, our choice to homeschool, and our quest to adopt from a place that I've never been to, but feel I know so well.  Anything worth doing comes with its risks and its challenges, and even its criticisms.  But to return to a place, again and again that is so uniquely your own, and altogether perfect for the time, is worth everything.

So now that we have had almost half of the year to think and talk, Kevin and I really feel that this is the right time for us to start our adoption for our new baby.  Sooner than later is definitely better.  Of course that means figuring out the financial aspect of the process, and quick, as well as making sure we don't end up in Africa during Sant and Leslie's September wedding!  We originally imagined next fall as a good time, but the call to go get our baby has become so apparent that we don't feel the need to drag things out any further.  I've been eating, sleeping and breathing my fourth child lately (friends, we've chosen names!) and the time is right.  We've started comparing agencies and narrowing ourselves down to one country, and I've got rubbermaid containers of boy and girl clothes alike stored in the garage, ready to go. 

She's going to make a marvelous big sister. 

Comments

[Michelle Z]

Lovely! Perfection! I can't wait to hear more about it!!

[Mrs. CPA]

How Exciting! I hope it goes quickly, easily and cheaper than expected.

[crookedeyebrow]

I am so excited for you!

[Jackie]

Amazing. Best wishes to you and your family on this journey. Can't wait to read more.

[Jen L.]

How wonderful!!!!

[Debbie]

Wow !!! Exciting news.....can't wait to hear more, keep us posted.

[SJ]

I could not think of a better family to welcome a new child into their home, and I can't wait to take the journey with you. Such an exciting time. I'm happy for you guys. So, so very happy!

And you are right - Marin WILL make an awesome big sister (she's so cute!).

[Nikki]

Gosh, Molly, it's such a big thing to actually do. I wish you, Kevin and all your children, those here and those to come, all good things and positive outcomes on your journey towards each other. Marin will be a wonderful big sister and your boys will continue to be super big brothers. xx

[Erica]

Such exciting news! Good luck on your adoption journey. Marin will make a great big sister :)

[Emily]

Awesome, simply awesome.

I have a close friend who has adopted six (yes, SIX) African children in the last three years. Seeing their family has really changed my view of the world - adoption is definitely something that's on my heart as well. I can't wait to see how unbelievably it blesses you.

[Cindy]

Moll~ I am so proud of you! Speaking as an adopted child, This child that you choose will have no idea what he/she is in for. A loving and caring couple like you and Kevin, and 3 wonderful children....they will be the luckiest child in the world!!

I think what you and Michelle are doing is FANTASTIC!!! For me, I could not imaigne my life with out my adopted family!!

I back you girls 110%!!!

Love ya!

[Katie]

Amazing! I look forward to sharing this journey with you. You are truly inspiring.

[Mar]

Molly - I am thrilled to death that their will be another Ray baby to cherish and love and you both will make wonderful parents to a child that is in need of you... I love you so much and am so very happy that you are going forward with this process and soon their will be four...

[BetteJo]

Oh yay! Really can't wait for more details. MORE DETAILS! Sorry. Must use my inside voice.

Please?

[Laylabean]

I'm so excited for you guys and I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible! You'll be such a great family for that fourth child, what fun!

[Frema]

She certainly is!

You are so right about everybody having their own paths to follow at different times in life and the importance of going after the one that feels most right to you. I am so happy to be along for the ride when it comes to yours.