Start your day with a steaming hot cup of Mommy Guilt

So it turns out that posting about homeschool is the easy part.  Here I was worried that the kids wouldn't want to participate, and I had frightening visions of arguments over Lego or Wii time and much hatred for getting down to business every day.  But when I call Time For School, everyone hops right over.  This is the good stuff.

But what people aren't hopping for, is preschool.  Unfortunately.

Jack cried at his first day of preschool.  This came as no surprise to me, as Jackson is the child who spends his every day within thirty-six inches of my person most of the time.  And I was once a preschool teacher, and a handful of my students cried on their first day, and they got through it.  I sort of saw it coming with Jack, and told myself he too would get through it. 

Some of my students cried on their second day.  Jack did too.

This morning we are finishing out our second week of preschool, and still the crying.  Worse every day. 

Sadly, it isn't just a little crying at drop-off that can be calmed by promises of pick-up soon, or anything he can be distracted from.  Jack wakes up at seven a.m. sobbing giant crocodile tears that he doesn't want me to leave him at preschool.  That, after he spends the entire night before worrying that he has to go to preschool again the next day.  He cries through breakfast, and he begs, while getting dressed, that I please don't take him to school.  I try to soothe him in every way I can think of, by reminding him how we always picked up KJ, and mapping out his day for him so that he knows snack time is half way done and story time means mom is in the hallway. 

Nothing calms his little worried mind, though, and by eight thirty I am inevitably dragging him down the long hallway so his teacher can pry him from my body while he screams at the tops of his lungs, reaching for me.  She shuts the door to keep him inside and offers to draw Batman with him, or set up bowling (two of his favorite things.)  And I can hear him screaming for me until I am outside of the building.  He calms down after fifteen or twenty minutes, usually, and then two hours later I pick him up.  And by the time we reach the car he is again asking worriedly when he must return.

I signed this poor child up for preschool this year, thinking it would give him some time to do his own thing.  I wanted him to enjoy it, and make his own friends and have new stories to tell.  I thought it was the right amount of time away per week for a three-year-old, and would be fun for him.  I didn't envision this.

I suppose I am writing this to document some little blip on our family timeline, either the time Jack almost had a nervous breakdown over preschool and we called Game Over, or the time I almost had a nervous breakdown over my son's nervous breakdown and then he magically got over it super-quick in week three and wouldn't even kiss me goodbye in October. 

I can't say for sure what the outcome will be here.  If not for the advice of family and friends to wait it out, I might kindly thank his teacher for the most expensive two weeks of playdates evah, and not return after today.  I have never been the extreme tough it out mom, always preferring for the kids to do things when they are ready, rather than when society dictates that they should be ready.  And I, too, was that nervous kid in school with the stomach ache about being away from home, so I know how it feels. 

And in the same, we're trying to strike a balance between worried stomach ache and sending the wrong message by prematurely calling quits. 

Has anyone seen my parenting manual?  I can't seem to find it anywhere.

Comments

[Erica]

When you are looking for yours would you look for mine too? Gah! Ben cried every single day or would scream and yell. There were even a couple of times when we had to pull him out from under his bed. We didn't have a choice because I did go back to work last year, but let me tell ya, I would have just as soon stayed home as to put us all through that. Now that he is in Kindergarten he is the first one ready to go! It was like a 360 degree turn around. Hang in there and follow your mommy instincts.

[Rosemary]

Jack is sending you a very important signal - he is not ready for this. Ignore the status-quo and go with your mommy instincts. If there is no logistical reason for him to be there, then its time give him relief - he is just not ready. We only have our children a short time, so why do we send them to expensive strangers. Our boys never went to pre-school and are now 10 and 14, staight A students, tons of good friends, into sports, scouts, band, and community activities. They grow so fast and you will regret missing these precious times. Also, you are not sending a wrong signal if you are relieving his stress. Much like food, they need to try them all a few time, but you would not continue to serve him food that makes him sick. There are plenty of play groups and sports programs like Soccer Tots for 3 year olds to make friends. Good Luck and follow your instincts.

[Angela]

If you find that manual, I could sure use it for a few topics of my own! I did a cooperative preschool for the very reason you mention. Aiden was so tense about leaving my side. Preschool was hard because he just wanted me and to be home. My working there helped him, but it was challenging and we had many days where he didn't want to go - just wanted to stay home. Even there, he clung to me. I knew in my heart that he needed to be around other kids since we are the only kids in the neighborhood! Funny though, now that he is in 1st grade, he just wishes he was still in preschool. I'm learning that my child does not transition well at all. He wants whatever he was previously doing. I knew this when he was a baby & toddler, but now that he is older, it manifests itself differently.

[cindy]

Hey Moll. I dont have the manual either, but I agree with Rosemary (Hi Rosemary. I'm Cindy) Jack just may not be ready to go. I remember when I placed Riley and Keegan in 3 yr old preschool. Riley didnt even look back to say goodbye when I dropped her off and Keegan cried for the first 8 days of school. I can remember the teacher telling me that 3 yr old preschool was not right for all kids, and not to stress the child out. Lucky for me he stopped crying for me on day 9, but it was a touchy decision to make.
I say go with you gut. Maybe get some pre K workbooks and do school time with him too??

Good luck my friend!

[Corinne]

I came across your blog from another... I've been blog hopping tonight (can't remember which it was... doh!)

But this post really spoke to me. My son, who's not yet three, sounds a lot like your son. I'm dreading when we actually send him to preschool (probably won't be for another two years, as he'll be old for his class and wont' start K until he's almost 6, and I only want to do one year of preschool...).

I can't imagine him doing it at three. Like you, I was that kid with the stomach ache and nervousness. All. The. Time. Especially when pushed when I wasn't ready. It's so tough, this parenting stuff.

Go with your gut. Good luck, and big hugs!

[Nikki]

Hi Molly,

You are a fabulous mum and your instincts have done you well so far. I agree with the others that you should follow your gut instinct. For me, it would be keep him home. I don't see how the worry and upset can be benefitting Jack. I've stuck to my guns with Fin when I've been sure he didn't want to do something because he was being lazy but if it involved him being upset I'd give in. I'm pleased to say I have a fifteen year old who is well-adjusted, sociable and willing to have a go at most stuff.