As I write this post late on a summer afternoon, I sit in as much darkness as can be offered to me. It has been an incredibly noisy day, and now as I shamelessly utilize my Forty-Two Inch Flatscreen Nanny for the boys while my baby daughter naps, I find myself pulling the blinds in the window nearby, and turning off the desk lamp. Even the light was too loud at this point in the day.
So let's talk about child noise for a moment, okay? Because I need to know...
Are your kids loud?
I mean, some days, are they really, really crazy freaking loud? And in this loudness they seem to jump at you, and wave their hands at you for attention, and need more drinks, have more stories, demand more butt wipes, create bigger messes than ever before and generally bounce off the damn walls?
I have two boys, ages six-and-a-half and three-and-a-half. My six year old, who I previously believed to be the more mild of the two boys, has recently taken to climbing. Climbing the furniture, climbing the non-child intended parts of the swing set, climbing trees, scaling the counter at Dairy Queen, happily climbing his sister's baby gates just because he can, as well as other various safety gates, bars and contraptions along our nearby lake, to name a few. All the world has become his gymnasium and he has Deep-Seated Robot Instincts that drive him to conquer all that is large or horrendously dangerous. (Case and point? This is the kid who just now exclaimed, "Mom, look at this!" while balancing the baby's upside down Leap Frog table on one hand high above his head. If it's not worth climbing, find another mildly dangerous use for it. Quick!) His smaller brother, while not the avid climber just yet, has reverted back to those all-too-familiar temper tantrums that we dealt with at age one, and thus has found his own plan of attack for Taking Down The Parental Unit. Add to this the noise levels of previous mention, plus one recently crawling and standing toddler and surely you want to comfort me in your arms while stroking my hair and buying me nice coffee, yes?
Will you please listen? What were my directions? Focus. Don't karate chop your brother. Don't kick your brother. Stop picking up your sister. Your sister is not a toy. Marin what are you eating now? Who brought legos to the baby? Don't sit upside down on the couch. Get your hands out of your pants!
Is this familiar to anyone?
The ten year old next door has been lighting off bottle rockets and fire crackers all afternoon and today instead of passing judgement I shall simply deduce that he, too, was driving his mother absolutely crazy, and sending him outside with a flame and explosives was her last option. He is no longer mesmerized by the new Star Wars cartoons on tv, God help me her.
I have learned, by now, that childhood runs through one phase after the next. Someone tell me that my children will discover a deep love for quiet, and rest, next, right?
Uh, that whole paragraph in italics above? That starts, "Will you please listen? What were my directions? etc, etc..."? Would you please just make a recording of that and send it my way? Because I've said those things about ninety five million billion times in at least the last WEEK. SO LOUD HERE TOO (sorry, shouldn't yell that I suppose ;) And also with the insane climbing - Garrett too. Must be a six year old boy thing. I so completely commiserate, and I very much hope there is quiet in the near future for both of us.
Posted by: Stacey | 01 July 2009 at 05:41 PM
Yes. Plain and simply, dear god, YES.
Posted by: Crystal | 01 July 2009 at 05:59 PM
"Sending him outside with a flame and explosives was her last option." That line made me laugh out loud!
Posted by: Parker_B | 01 July 2009 at 06:30 PM
Your neighbor boy reminds me of Sid (or was that the dog's name?) from the original "Toy Story" movie.
Posted by: Parker_B | 01 July 2009 at 06:31 PM
Thank you for making me laugh out loud, I totally needed that today. My day sounds just like a day in your house. I am so glad to hear that my kids are doing the "normal" things that 6 yr.olds do. And I am so glad to hear that there's another mom out there just like me! Thanks for sharing the italicized paragraph...I thought maybe you heard me yelling all the way from WI!
Posted by: Erin | 01 July 2009 at 06:56 PM
Oh, mercy. What is WITH the hands in the pants!?!? If I were near you, I would totally bring you special coffee, perhaps spiked with Kaluha.
Posted by: Jen L. | 01 July 2009 at 08:43 PM
I don't remember. Does that give you hope? Someday your own mind will give you some blessed peace. :)
Posted by: BetteJo | 01 July 2009 at 09:07 PM
God I hope it quiets down because some days I want to stick a fork in my ear.
Posted by: Bethany | 01 July 2009 at 09:56 PM
You totally just described my life. To a T. And I'm not even kidding!
Posted by: SJ | 01 July 2009 at 10:46 PM
Remember your previous post and all those wonderful memories of your childhood and sister? Well those days were peppered with a lot of these same occurences. I know because I had to talk your mom off the ledge quite often! After all is said and done, days like this will lead to strong future friendships snd strong family love. That being said, have something stronger than coffee!!!!
Posted by: Miss Jeanne | 01 July 2009 at 11:02 PM
No they don't quiet down. Kayla is 11 1/2 and the older she gets, the louder and lazier she gets. This girl does not like to move. AT ALL. Megan is my quiet,good girl at 7 years old she is my easiest to handle. The only problem is you cannot get her attention away from the tv, especially icarly. Ryan well he is different from most other children making him my most difficult. And then theres Aidan, who gets into everything. Theres nothing slowing this boy down. I truly feel your pain. This house is crazy.
Posted by: Debbie | 01 July 2009 at 11:09 PM
I'm feeling your pain! This is my first summer home with the kids in 4 years. My 6 year old constantly talks or makes random mouth noises and my 8 month old jabbers and shrieks conststantly. I have my 6 year old sit down with a book for some much needed quiet time and he starts humming as loud as he can while he reads. Sometimes I just pull out my ipod with the noise cancelling ear buds just to tune them out, or hide outside while the baby plays in his crib and my big boy plays in his room.
Posted by: Jacqueline | 01 July 2009 at 11:42 PM
I have two boys (6 and 3) and a 10 month old daughter and you just described my house! I'm glad to hear I'm not alone! :)
Posted by: Celi | 02 July 2009 at 12:56 AM
Hi Molly,
I think they quieten down at about 21, though that may be optimistic. The good news is that when they reach their teens they're not around so much and you can have whole days go by when you only see them for meals. I think the general rule is, if they're healthy they're noisy, so you know they're OK. Good luck!
Posted by: Nikki | 02 July 2009 at 03:43 AM
Some days, I just want to find a dark closet and sit there. Preferably w/ ear plugs. Maybe a little bit of Bailey's in the morning coffee would make things seem a little better. i guarantee storytimes where I work would be a hell of a lot more entertaining. Speaking of loud...I have to go read to at least 60 2, 3, 4 and 5 year olds with other random ages thrown in. Could you start the coffee?
Posted by: Erica | 02 July 2009 at 09:06 AM
So VERY familiar. I'm trying now to forget and gather my sanity to be nice and take them to the parade.
Posted by: elizabeth | 03 July 2009 at 03:29 PM
THANK YOU! If I have to say one more time "YOUR PENIS IS NOT A TOY" I may lose it!
Posted by: Angela | 07 July 2009 at 11:22 AM