Use the force, Luke

It's summertime, which means there have been infinitely more activities available to our little crew lately.  We've visited our favorite part of Michigan, taken long walks all over town & fed the ducks at the lakefront, and spent days at the Museum of Science and Industry and the zoo.  Last weekend my girlfriend Jenny was installed as the Pastoral Associate of a parish in Chicago, so the boys and I attended her Sunday afternoon ceremony.

It was at A Church, which Kevin and I don't really cling to the concept of, so I found myself pointing out lots of unknown people and ideas to the boys during the ceremony.  That is, just after we snuck in late and Jackson threw up his hands and proclaimed in a thundering three-year-old voice, GOD IS HERE.  Thank you, son, for that.  (Stop the ceremony folks, we have arrived.)

Forty-five minutes later when Auntie Jenny was official and it was clear that my young son might never grasp the concept of a whisper, it was off to locate the hors d'oeuvres.  But not, of course, before we allowed her a few prized photo opportunities.  One of which was with Cardinal George, who is the head of the Chicago Catholic Church and President of the US Bishops. 

We waited in a good line for her turn to come, and then it did, and as her photo-op ended my child also took the opportunity to meet the Cardinal.  Jack introduced himself very matter-of-factly and shook the Cardinal's hand, and then he did the only logical thing for a person who meets the Holy Hierarcy to do.  He wove a little tale for the Cardinal, saying it was his birthday, and the Cardinal wished him a happy day.  Fantastic.

An interesting pair, indeed.

Now, this weekend was a little different, though we somehow still ended up in a traditionally quiet place with a three year old and the whole whisper thing wait your turn no wait stay here let's not clobber anyone, m'kay?

At the library in the next town over from us today, there was an afternoon event with many of the Star Wars characters.  And being as how just in the last several weeks Kevin and I have begun exposing our of-age children to the Jedi Saga of six Lucas films, we thought it a great opportunity to meet the real life Darth Vader.  Or a guy dressed up just like him, whatever people.   

And I realized as we moved from character line to character line, that Jack introduces himself to The Sith exactly as he does The Archbishop.  Except for the part where he told Boba Fett he would kick his butt.  That, thankfully, he reserved from church, miracle of all miracles. 

As we pulled up to the library event early this afternoon, we noticed that the parking lot was extremely full and people had even resorted to parking on the lawn.  Too bad this is what it takes to get people to a library, we mumbled as we pulled in.  And as we walked around I wondered briefly how many of the attendees ever bring their children to borrow books, or even read to them at all, because in my experience as an at-risk preschool teacher, it is far less parents reading to children than one would assume.

I stopped all the back patting quite abruptly, however, when it was time for us to leave the event.  Jack began insisting that we check out books and I explained that we currently have books checked out, at home, that are due on Tuesday.  No more than three books out at a time for you, three-year-old son.  We will be back on Tuesday!  And again after that!  And after that!  No books on Saturday when the place is packed and the lines are long and there are BOOKS at HOOOOOME!  

But his wails only grew louder, somehow echoing through the packed building with its cathedral ceilings and cold tile floors.  

"I WANT BOOKS!" my child screamed.  

I moved from kind reminders to pulling out all of the emergency parenting tricks I'd ever called my own, speaking through gritted teeth with promises of time-out and early bedtime and no dinner ever again and triple rent after college to just make the screaming stop until we would reach the safety of our vehicle. 

It didn't work, of course, any of it.  My son continued, over and over, screaming and crying louder and louder, "I WANT TO TAKE BOOKS OUT!  I WANT TO TAKE BOOKS OUT!"

Mobs of Star Wars fans turned around to look at the parents who no doubt never read to their children or took them to a library other than on Star Wars day, and now weren't even willing to get a book out for the poor neglected screaming child.  We were probably headed out of there to drop him off at his under-age full-time job from here for a little Saturday overtime, they thought, and his hard hat and steel toed boots were back in our car.

He melted to the floor screaming the same thing again and again at the tops of his lungs, and began kicking his feet as even KJ attempted to cover his mouth and save us all from sure embarrassment.  "I WANT TO TAKE BOOKS OUT!" he continued on and on.  Where the hell was Obi Wan when we needed him?

From off the floor Kevin picked up our stiff, reddened, screaming offspring and carried him towards the door as quickly as possible, though not before every parent in the place began whispering about someday failing the standardized tests, and tiny work boots. 

All the way through the spilled-over parking lot and to our car my son continued with an anger meant for armies of grown men, "I! WANT! BOOOOOOKS!" and there was nothing that could bring him back down from it. 

Across the way I locked eyes with a mother who laughed, and I knew for sure, so thankfully, that she had been there too. 

I've decided that next time I shall carry a sign that exclaims, AVID READER, CRAZY CHILD.  I'll carry it folded up in my pocket right next to the note that reads, PLEASE FORGIVE HIM, NOT REALLY HIS BIRTHDAY.  AND DO PRAY FOR ME.

Comments

[Jenny]

Sorry to hear about your day! Poor child, deprived of books! ;)
I do love the fact that he announced GOD IS HERE. Plus one on the godmother scorecard?
And I love the pic of him talking to the Cardinal.
And the 2 pics with the Cardinal and Darth Vader are almost identical!

[Jen L.]

And this? Is why I love Jack.

[Cindy]

So this is WHY Jack and Cooper get along so nicely!! HAHA!!

OMG ~ been there done that!

Speaking of church....my 6 yr old son just asked the other day when we'd be going to church again (it seems like years since we've gone) and I said, " when you guys can behave nicely and we dont spend more time roaming the halls then IN the church". He responds with," NO you go to church and drop us off in the childcare center on your way." NICE!

UGH! Can't wait to see you in a few weeks!

[Erica]

Laughing hysterically! Sounds like he really is a quite the little character. I had to do the clenching of teeth with my five year old like all day yesterday....gotta loves em' Sounds like you have had an interesting couple of weeks. :)

[BetteJo]

So Jack lied to the Cardinal? Whoops! I hear he can get him special dispensation . .
Oh my gosh what a funny boy. And the library thing - as long as the parent is in the process of carrying the screaming one out, I will always try to give the parents a look of commiseration. I think we've all been there at one time or another!

[Tina]

Jack cracks me up!!! ROFL!!! =)

[Nikki]

If I'd been there I would have congratuled you on having a child (a BOY no less)that actually wanted books. Sadly, most of the chhildren I know avoid them at all costs (despite their parents' best efforts!!