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I don't know what to say, how to say it, what is appropriate or what is too much.  It's all too much right now.

My Aunt Kath died during the night last night.

I've not shared her story on my website, her three year battle with breast cancer, because I felt that it was her story to tell and always the news, good or bad, was hers.  She always read my blog and whenever we got together she was in the know on what was going on in my life.  It is always so humbling when someone takes interest in you like that.  She left comments from time to time, and in a while I will hunt for them.  The pink breast cancer ribbon in my sidebar is hers.

 

Wicked, August 2008

We had become a fine fun group, my Aunt Kath and my mom, my sister Sant and her girlfriend Leslie.  It was good, and it made me happy.  It made her happy too.

 

She fought her metastasizing disease bravely through the stages, through every God-forsaken organ it spread to, right to the end.  She fought for her life and for her family.  More than anything she didn't want to leave her boys.  She won't.

We kept up with knowing her treatments and what tumor marker number she was at.  Ironically, and hitting so close to home, the test I just went through last week.  My mom, Sant, Leslie and I spent the day with her on Sunday after she was admitted to the hospital.  We discussed Jon and Kate and painted her fingernails and her toes.   The girls and I snuck out to the car while she rested and demolished a bag of chocolate chip cookies.  (Not that that has anything to do with anything, but it gets honorable mention just the same.) 

 

She lost all of her hair through radiation and chemotherapy, and also her taste buds and appetite, and she lost weight.  Her voice quieted and her mobility tapered.  Cancer is the most unimaginably violent disease.  It doesn't have to say a word. 

Thankfully, my Aunt Kath hung on to her sass and her zest and would still happily inform you when you were being a pain in the ass, even if she could only say it quietly.  The rear window of her SUV displays the little boy peeing, like you sometimes see him pee on Ford or Chevy.  Her little guy pisses on the word Cancer.  In pink, even. 

I thought, when we left her on Sunday night, that we would see her again the following weekend.  Then the next afternoon when her CAT scan results came back they let us know that she had only about a month left.  It wasn't that we were unaware of how bad she was; it was just still so hard to believe.  And then when everyone had gone home to rest, late last night, she slipped away quietly.

My Aunt Kath was fun loving and happy.  She worked in Special Education at a Middle School up until last fall, and she loved her job like most people hope to love theirs.  She didn't stop working until she practically couldn't walk into the school building anymore.  At only fifty-two years old she leaves her husband of thirty-two years, and her sons Danny and Jonathan, twenty-two and twelve.  She leaves all of us, for a while at least.

 

And she will be missed.

Comments

[Katie]

Molly, I am so, so sorry for your loss. Cancer is brutal and unfair. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

[Tina]

Cancer sucks! I am so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. please let us know when the arrangements are.

[Becca]

So sorry. She sounds like a wonderful woman who will be dearly missed.

[liz]

blessings, friend.

[crookedeyebrow]

Oh Molly I am so very sorry. You have painted such a wonderful picture of her for all of us and she sounds like the best Aunt ever. You have wonderful memories of her forever...

My thoughts are with you and your entire family.

[glamgranola]

What a sweet tribute to Kath. I bet you've made her very proud.

[Michelle Z]

Oh Molly. I'm so, so sorry. My heart breaks for you. Cancer SUCKS. Your aunt sounds like such a lovely, and loved person.

[Rachel]

I'm so sorry to hear this, Molly. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Emily]

My deepest sympathies, Molly. She seemed like a wonderful person. Take a little comfort in knowing she's no longer suffering... although I know it doesn't dull the pain of losing her enough.

[Erica]

I am so sorry for your loss Molly. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Sheila B]

Molly,
I am so sorry to hear about your Aunt. She sounded like a wonderful person and obviously she was loved very much.

These next few months or more are going to be tough on you. You know you can email me anytime. I have been there and I know that sometimes it helps to talk to others that understand what it is to loose someone so close to them.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you during this time. Again I am so sorry!

YES CANCER SUCKS BIG TIME!

Love,
Sheila

[Stacey]

So very, very sorry for you and your family. Sounds like she was a fabulous person to know. Sending many prayers and lots of love your way.

[Ann]

Oh Molly, I'm so sorry. Your aunt sounds like such an awesome person. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Jen L.]

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers, Molly. Your Aunt sounds like a fantastic lady.

[Erin B.]

As tears roll out of my eyes, I think that this blog entry is your best. What a powerful way to honor her. I am so sorry for your families loss. Please know that you are all in my prayers.

[Cathy P]

:(

[Fraulein N]

I'm so sorry. This post was a lovely tribute to your aunt.

[Julie]

Molly, I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

[BetteJo]

So sorry Molly, she sounds like a wonderfully special woman. Cancer sure does suck.

[Frema]

I would have checked your blog earlier, but I didn't realize you'd be posting right now. Your aunt was a wonderful person. I only met her a few times, but she was always so nice to me.

You know I'm here if you need anything.

[H]

So, so sorry for your family's loss, Molly. What a lovely tribute to your aunt and her great spirit.

*Hugs* from afar.

[Laylabean]

I'm so sorry, Molly! Hugs to you and your family at this difficult time.

[SJ]

I'm moved to tears Molly, I'm so sorry that you lost your aunt. I'll be thinking about you and your family.

[Nikki]

Molly, I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your extended family at this time.

[Erica]

I am so sorry...I hate that word I really do sending our thoughts and prayers with you.

[rkmama]

There's nothing to say other than I'm thinking of you and of course your aunt's sons.

Man, cancer is a thieving f*stick.

[Jeanne M. Maza]

Wonderful tribute. You have honored your aunt very well. All my love. Make sure your mom contacts me.

[Kellie]

So sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful person and will be greatly missed.

[Angela]

Molly, I've not been over here in ages. I am so sorry to hear this news. Your aunt wrote me the nicest note all those months (years?) ago when we did the weight loss challenge and I donated for breast cancer. She was a wonderful woman and the world was a better place for having her in it.