Most importantly, Halp?

You'll remember that time I was all, Wahh Wahh Wahh I have gray hair, yes? 

The first part of my plan was to tear my facial hair out by the roots with some sort of cheap chemical at-home wax something or other. 

Part two included trimming my own hair so that I could wear it down, covering many of the grays until I could get a dye.

Part three ended up the part where I wore my hair down damn near every day because those grays were getting baaaad.

Part four, then, included a random purchase of a hair dye...that set me back only six dollars.  (So you're not entirely surprised.  I have a reputation for Cheap Polock Do-It-Yourself projects, yes?)

People, I knoooooow my common sense was begging me not to purchase six dollar hair dye, in a shade darker for the love of all things holy, but I did.  Because I tend to be sort of flippant about these things, until of course I carry them out.

So immediately I noticed, as my sister applied the smelly substance generously to The Land Of The Gray, that this hair dye was quite runny.  I kept wiping my forehead to make sure my skin wasn't being dyed dark brown.  Ten minutes later she was finished and I ran upstairs to peek in the bathroom mirror, already a bit nervous since the cracks in my thumb had turned black in only minutes after accidentally getting dye in them.

Half of my forehead was black.

Black.

An odd purpley shade of black.

Up ran my sister, answering my cries for help, and we scrubbed my forehead to no avail.

The only thing I could do was to wash it out, so I flipped my head over the tub and began rinsing with the shower attachment.  And this awful black-purple gunk flowed from my skull for what seemed like forever. 

Except upon looking around at the tub enclosure, with head upside down and ass in the air, black shit pouring off my head, (oh wait, I'll give you a second to get that mental picture) I realized that I tend to allow the chore of Bathtub Scrubbing to slide more often than I should, because the hair dye was sticking to the soap child scum, dying my bathtub ring black.

Oh freaking fabulous.

So now it's ten p.m..  And being so careful to keep my black dripping hair upside down over the bathtub instead of the floor, sink, towels and rug, I realize that I must SAVE THE BATH by rinsing down and pulling out the shower curtain, bath mat and tub toys.  Then keeping my head in the safety zone, still, I reach around the corner with my toes, fumbling for an old washcloth for dye-cleaning purposes.  (Oh why have I not cleaned this tub lately?)  At this point, of course, I've been standing with my head upside down for so long that my face has turned three shades of burgundy and I'm juuuuust about to pass out when I decide to just stand up and hop in the shower already. 

Frantically scrubbing the tub with my feet and washing my hair at the same time, I notice that the foam coming from my head is purple, and splashing the shower walls in all directions. 

Rinse hair, scrub bathtub with toes, scrub shower walls with hands.  World is turning purple.

NICE AND EASY MY ASSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

I considered, for a moment, trying my Aveeno clear skin face wash on my blackened forehead and hairline, though quickly reconsidered after imagining a bleached hairline meeting, most likely, black hair.

Did I mention I'm leaving for my California Vacation in THREE DAYS?

I skipped the face wash, re-lathered my hair and forehead for good measure, rinsed and shut off the water.  Avoided towel drying in white towels.

And indeed, I now have jet black outer-space inspired hair with a matching jet black splotchy forehead and an interestingly purple scalp, expletive expletive expletive.

And my question to you is, have I any recourse?  Because most certainly, my California Vacation will be better spent with black hair than green if I re-dye it.  I'm not falling over dead about the black, though I'd much prefer this to have happened NOT with late-winter pasty white skin tones.  Can I re-dye it tomorrow?  Will something lighter brownish cover the black?  Or will I end up with multi-shaded browngreenblackpurple spots?

And more importantly, my black forehead?  And thumb?

Thanks, in advance.

Your Pal,

Morticia Adams

Comments

[Jenny]

Your friend, Morticia Addams!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

If this all happened tonight, I can understand why you did not answer the phone when I called and why you have not called back.

I am dying laughing over here because I can so totally picture this all happening.

But....where is a picture??

Sorry I cannot offer advice...I have never dyed my hair to tell you what you can do. But a nice hat for the California sun may come in handy! ;)

[Annette]

Ditto Jenny's picture comment. That is the first thing I thought of!!!

No good advice on the dye job. Never touched the stuff.

Would a nice skin tone color dye make your scalp and forehead look natural? Clown make-up? Oh, wait a minute. You may already look like one. How about brown lipstick for that "Goth" look? Wear something outrageous so nobody would be looking at your head? If Kevin did the same thing might others think it is a new fashion trend?

Whatever you land up doing relax and enjoy the time you and Kevin will have together alone.

[Stacey]

Wahhhhhhahahaha! Freaking hilarious! I scrolled straight to the bottom searching for pictures after about the 5th paragraph. Dammit, Morticia, how are we supposed to laugh at you - er, HELP YOU - unless you post ridiculously embarrassing photos? C'mon now.

And this, my friend? This is exactly why I do NOT color my hair myself (too many 'blond skunk stripe' highlighting experiences).

[Jennifer]

I have so done that before. The bad thing about it is that once the black is on, it's on. You will have to go and get the color professionally "stripped", which will take awhile and cost a bit. One thing that I think will maybe cheer you up is that the color will fade a little, but it may take until your roots start coming in. Yeah, I know. Best of luck!

[Sheila B]

OH MY!! I was laughing my head of picturing everything in my head. I too was hoping for a picture! LOL!!
I cannot give any help other than say go visit a Hair Dresser and ask them what the best thing to do would be. Unfortunately I do not go to just one person so I cannot even call on for you!!
I am sorry this happened but I love the cute story!! Thanks I needed the laugh about right now!!
Give Marin a big hug and kiss for me!!!

Love,
Sheila

[Nikki]

My sympathies...once did the same thing. A co-worker (former hair stylist) recommended washing hair with a very drying shampoo (something old fashioned...I used Pert at the time) because the hair would hold on to the color less if it was not all happy and conditioned. And the stuff is only supposed to last for so many washes so...wash away! As for the skin, I have my hair professionally colored and I always come away with a Frankenstein ring around my hairline...alcohol is rough but seems to speed up the fading process.

[Frema (A former accidental Morticia herself)]

Ditto on the picture. Visually documenting embarassing moments is half the fun of having a blog!

And yes, this is why I leave all things hair related to the pros. (Not that THAT'S always given me top-notch results, either.)

[Erica]

CALL A PROFESSIONAL NOW!!!!! Also we do need pictures so we can help you :0) I have quit using do at home because I always screw it up.
You could also take some of the baby shampoo and wash your hair w/ it or dawn dish soap. This will strip the color from your hair. I recommend the baby shampoo. I come from a long line of professional hair peeps so I can say this w/ confidence. If you use the dawn soap, make sure you have lots and lots of conditioner.
I loved the visual by the way. Good luck?

[Hilary]

I couldn't tell you the last time I colored my hair so I'm of no help. Sorry. But you are going to hear it from me, too. Pictures! Esp. if Sant was there. Tell me she got pictures.

[Jackie]

Oh no! Having been through similar dye mishaps (but never coloring my skin), I have to say going to a professional to strip and redye is the best way to go. Then slowly back away from the hair color aisle - and never go back again.

For Cali, wear a hat - it'll cover the hair and your forehead.

And, I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you!

[Lisa Gervasi]

Hi there, long time lurker here, just had to try to help. My sister does her own color all the time, has had a few mishaps herself. She has used some kind of color remover you can find on the same aisle as the hair color. Sorry I don't know the name of it. She has also suggested Head & Shoulders or Prell. I have only been brave enough to use the non-permanent color myself, although I am beginning to need some serious help. At least I quit pulling the gray out-had to if I wanted to have any hair left!

Love your writing! Lisa in TN

[Becky]

Hi Molly... I color all the time... Damn gray hairs... First... yes wash wash wash... now today... don't wait... on the boxes it tells you not to shampoo for a day to let the color set etc... so do the opposite. Did you leave it on long? I would get a better box of something ($10-15 range) slightly lighter than your natural color... and try again in a day. I use L’Oreal Natural Match and have never had a problem with it… Good ones should have a conditioner and glaze in the box for shine..
To get the color off your face try alcohol or nail polish remover... then wash with face soap and moisturize...

BTW... you have got to post a picture..

[rkmama]

This was hilarious to read! I had a remarkably similar incident, only the dye was a beautiful shade of Chocolate Cherry (supposed to be a dark auburn) and it turned my light brown hair bright orange. I looked like a road construction marker. I washed it non stop for two days but it didn't make a difference. I had to go in to get it professionally fixed and the stylist made me promise I would never go down the hair aisle at target unattended again. Good luck!

[Emily]

So, I did this once, and stripped it myself. WOULD NOT RECOMMEND. My hair turned ORANGE, and then I re-dyed it and it was a decent shade again, but I used about three bottles of conditioner to every bottle of shampoo for the next three years because it was the consistency of STRAW. So. I would say if you want to re-dye it, do it professionally. It's way harder to go lighter with home kits than it is to go darker.

[Parsing Nonsense]

Black hair dye is notorious for being difficult to handle, you're best off waiting about a month for it to fade before you try changing it. Hopefully it'll fade enough to where you won't need to bleach it!

[BetteJo]

I have done some *cough* interesting things to my hair in the past. I called the number on the box for assistance. They really helped! They asked my natural color, what color I had used, what color I wanted and what color I got. They actually sent me to the store for 2 more boxes of color to mix together and voila! It actually worked! Sometimes those helplines really work. Can't hurt anyway. Good luck!

Oh - when it turns forest green - there are ways to fix it but it's so damaging to the hair you may as well just cut it. I'm sure yours isn't nearly like that though. :)

[SJ]

OH MAN. Reminds me of a dye job I had that went bad - newly permed hair, hair color a slight bit darker then my normal shade.....resulted in frizzy jet black hair. It was horrible.

I feel for you girl, I really do.