Remember when I rattled on endlessly about paint colors and real estate? Boy howdy, those were the days.

Sooooo, we're close enough now.

I promised myself I wasn't going to talk about it much, blog about it too early, think too much, obsess over, weep over, freak out over - pardon me I'm getting away from the point. 

Yes.

We are down to a week away from Marin's surgery.

If you've not been reading me for long you may be in the dark, which means I've done a pretty good job of non-obsessing over the last several months.  Marin was discovered, while in utero, to have extreme hydronephrosis of one of her kidneys.  She went through a myriad of tests and a few doctors very early on, until she was finally diagnosed by a wonderful pediatric urologist during a hospital stay.  On Tuesday she will undergo surgery to have the upper half of her bad kidney removed, as well as the ureter connected to that portion of the kidney.  She has been on a daily antibiotic since birth, which has caused innumerable cases of thrush (though thankfully held us down to only one nasty infection) in order to keep her urinary tract and blood healthy, and crossing my fingers for All Things Complete Success on Tuesday, we will finally be finished with the antibiotic, the thrush, the worries, the bad kidney and the dark looming surgery date. 

Just. Have to. Get. Through. Tuesday.

I know that people, even babies, have surgery all the time.  I know that my daughter can live on one and a half kidneys.  I know that we have a world class doctor and a fabulous hospital and friends and family thinking good thoughts for us.  But the closer the day comes, the more my stomach does flip-flops.  I'm just afraid of the anesthesia, the operating room, the possibilities, the surgery.

My girl belongs in my arms, not in an operating room.

I think back to those days when I was so nervous about what it would be like to have a third child-  I worried about ever leaving the house again, and sleep, and ever leaving the house again.  And ever leaving the house again.  Ever.  And just like that, mission accomplished.  I leave the house at will with all three kids, even in mid-winter, and have infinitely bigger plans for once we are no longer getting pounded by twelvefreakinginchesofsnowdaily.  And I can almost be sane, and sometimes even reasonable, on Sleep Interrupted. 

Who knew?

At days shy of five months old I am head over heels, to the moon and back crazy about this baby.  Every thing she does is somehow brand new and amazing, even though I've witnessed it twice before.  She has an infectious smile and such soft, pretty skin.  She converses with her brothers and me all day long, giggles and even laughs her baby buns off, and she is the most patient little girl I could ask for. 

 

(I might ask that our local photography place not watermark her entire face, but whatever.)  (Also, hot damn, do I have a knack for producing children who look absolutely nothing like me, or what?)

I really, really love my baby.  And I want her to be completely well.

I've done my best to keep my mind in the right place about this for all these months, knowing that worries run rampant will not change her situation.  I am thankful that we have a solution instead of a long-term problem.  We have to get through this for whatever reason there is, and we have to learn something, and appreciate more.  I'm just nervous, is all, because we're getting close.

And I wish I could find that damn Parenting Manual that promises Everything Is Going To Be Just Fine.

Comments

[BetteJo]

There's a parenting manual that says that?? Well Molly - you're almost there, and if you weren't nervous I would be SO surprised. You'll have all those things you mentioned (doc, hospital, etc) as well as family and friends and your blogosphere friends backing you and Marin with prayers, good thoughts, vibes - and anything else that can be sent your way.
But making you not be apprehensive and frightened? I don't see any way around that part, sorry. I do believe with all my heart though, that it will all go perfectly.
Chin up as best you can. :)

[Mrs. CPA]

I hope everything turns out fine. Your family will be in our prayers on Tuesday. I know it will be hard. I've had plenty of my own child medical scares the past six months. Hang in there.

[Jana]

I've only commented a couple of times, but I just want to let you know that I totally empathize with you. I hate to admit that my girl (who JUST turned 2) has been under anesthesia SEVEN! times. It really makes all the difference in the world to have a doctor you are confident in. The worst part is seeing the nurses walk away with your baby...

[SheilaB]

Oh Molly!
If you were not nervous beyone control I would be worried about you. I do not think anyone could watch their child whatever the age go through surgery without being worried and concerned.

I have faith that Beautiful little Cutie Pie Marin is going to be in great hands and have no problems.
I can tell you that on Tuesday evening, or until the day you post that she is doing okay, I will be checking your blog all the time. I will be thinking and praying for both of you on Tuesday!!
If I was able and lived closer I would come sit with you, but unfortunately I cannot do that! LOL!!

Please take care and give her lots of hugs and kissed!!

Love ya,
Sheila

[Bunny]

Everything is going to be just fine. You are going to be just fine and Marin is going to be just fine.
(That's what friends are supposed to say) But it's true. I wish I was closer to you and then I'd come bring you cookies to eat in the waiting room. I'm thinking about and praying for your baby girl.

[Jen L.]

Sure, people have surgery every day, but not your baby. You are absolutely justified in your feelings. You HAVE done a good job of not obsessing. In fact, every time there's a break in your blogs, I go "was Marin's kidney surgery this week?"? Soon it will be over and you'll have your precious, anti-biotic free girl all ready to scheme with those 2 brothers of hers!

I will be praying hard for your family, especially sweet Marin. Prayers for kidneys are my family's specialty. (My mom had a transplant last year and I have polycystic kidney disease--we're practically experts in praying for kidneys!) Be sure to take care of yourself and give Marin lots of snuggles from her internet friends!

[crookedeyebrow]

I was just wondering the other day how Marin was doing. Sure surgeries happen everyday, but not to your little girl. We will all be praying for her to be all healthy and right back in your arms where she belongs. There and having her brothers drive hot wheels all over her...Love to you all!

[Parsing Nonsense]

It's totally understandable to be anxious and you've done an AMAZING job not obsessing over it. She's a beautiful little girl, and strong and healthy, and she's going to be do great. Good luck, I'm praying for you!

[Erica]

I would be worried if you weren't anxious and obsessing. I think that is in the manual;) You and your family, especially Marin will be in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck.

[Hilary]

Praying for you guys.

[Stacey]

I've been wondering when the surgery was happening. You will most definitely be in our thoughts and prayers. I'm so glad this will all be behind you soon.

Your blogging has been fabulous, as usual, and the latest pic of Marin is perfectly beautiful. Third babies are so easy to fall in love with, aren't they?

Hang in there, my friend.

[Nikki]

Molly, as everyone else has said, Marin is a beautiful and very healthy looking little girl. Of course you worried, she's your baby but she'll be in very good hands and soon this will all be in the past. I'll be thinking of you and Marin and sending you all positive thoughts. Good luck and best wishes for a speedy recovery.

[Rachel]

Everything will be fine. Of course you're going to worry. That's your baby girl. It's scary to think of anyone having surgery, much less your own child. Alyssa had surgery almost a year ago, and although it wasn't surgery like Marin's, it was surgery.

I worried the whole time, but before I knew it, I was in the recovery room holding my baby girl as she came out of anethesia.

I wish you luck and will be thinking about all of you!

[Becky]

Hi Molly, my advice.. call Cindy! If anyone can ease your fears of surgery etc... its Cindy. God knows she has been down this road way too many times!

Good luck... Marin is so very precious.. and yes I am jealous!

[Michelle Zoromski]

Marin is adorable! But you know? You're right, she really does favor Kevin, doesn't she? (Does that mean he's adorable, too?)

She'll do great in surgery - I know how nerve wracking it is to wait, but when it's over, it'll be such a relief. The waiting is awful, though, isnt' it?

[CPA Mom]

I'm late catching up but wanted to say, I know, I know. My son had several surgeries, none anywhere near as serious, and I was a wreck. You are a brave, brave Momma and you are all in my prayers.