Kevin arrived for a quick visit this evening, his laptop in tow, and as he began to snuggle our baby I yanked the technological goods just as fast as you might imagine. I needed to know, Is There Still Life Out There?
Turns out there is, lots of it, and you guys are the part that makes it good. Thank you so much for all of the well-wishes, prayers and support. I really, honestly love you for it. (Take a moment to kiss yourself in the mirror and imagine it's from me. Then ask why it smells like someone's doing laundry and know that it's because I packed an anti-static Downy dryer sheet next to my snacky bag of dry cereal, and then the two became one. And I ate it, because I am possibly a goat. Or bored. Or both.)
Onward.
Marin's surgery, though surely the most difficult thing we've been through, Kevin and I as parents and she as a Just Trying To Do Her Baby Thing baby, was a success to the end that the kidney is gone. What we were met with in the recovery room was nothing short of a nightmare, something I was completely unprepared to find, which had me in shambles in three seconds flat, for most of the day. My baby was swollen- unbelievably swollen, from head to toe. Her eyes were closed and she was groaning the most pitiful, constant groans, because she was in a whole lot of pain. She was able to have tiny doses of morphine every so often, which would quiet her for a few minutes only to return quickly to much pain again. It took a good three hours for her to even open her eyes, and even then she was glazed over and not at all herself.
It was a hard, hard, very hard day yesterday. God help me, I hope to never experience anything like that with any of my children again.
During the night last night she began coming-to a bit more, and finally around 4am made eye contact with me and cracked a smile. (Who minds being up at 4am, I ask? Not I, not one bit, to see my baby's spark return for a minute.)
Today has been better as she had her catheter removed, passed gas, fed well and even pooped. (Dare I admit to sending a text that read SHE POOPED? Did.) She's been a bit more smiley while in the midst of steady pain meds, though there's no need to see the clock to know when they're wearing off. I've been able to hold her chest-to-chest a few times, only for a couple minutes to coax burps from her, as it's obviously painful to be up and moving with three one-inch wounds in her back and side.
The big deal right now is the fever she's maintained since a couple hours out of the OR yesterday. It began creeping up slowly, and even in spite of the every-four-hours Tylenol with Codeine, the fever remains and continues to creep higher. When I asked our surgeon about it this morning he said that as he cut out the top half of her kidney, he found it to be infected again and pus and fluids oozed out of it, possibly infecting the remaining half of the kidney. A urine culture was done, and we should have results from that tomorrow. Until then, she's been put on an antibiotic and there will be No Going Home Or Anywhere Fun. I wish I could say I'm not having slight-panic-invoking flashes of last October's awful experience with Sepsis, but it is what I am afraid of. I really want to get this baby home and well.
I must run now, to cram in a blog entry and a shower before my husband makes his exodus to The Boy Children We Once Knew. Thank you again, most sincerely, for your comments. While I cannot post without the use of Spousal Laptop, I can tab through the Internet-On-Television in our room to read your comments. (So tell me a funny joke, would ya?)
(What, do I amuse you? Like a clown? You think I'm effing funny? Pow, pow, powpowpow.)
(Name that movie.)
XO
Hey Moll...
Sorry for having to cut our conversation short this afternoon. It sounded like you had nurse company, and I had a screaming child that would not end - Yes, it was Carson! She was so pissed off that I would not let her chat with you!
Anyhow. I hope to reconnect with you again soon!
Keep your chin up lady. You've made it to the OTHER side! Honestly, you are though the worst and her new infection will be taken care of. I promise! She is in GREAT hands, and comer is SUCH a great place!
Give her a smooch for us, and please let me know if you need anything!
Try to get a few blinks of sleep too. I know it is hard, and I know you want to sit and stare at your baby, believe me, I know....I've been there....but you need your rest too!
Love ya!
Posted by: Cindy | 11 February 2009 at 09:02 PM
Thanks for the update- that poor baby. My word it just isnt fair- I will pray for you all and for her to stay strong and keep fighting that infection- hang in there.
Posted by: Christina | 11 February 2009 at 09:09 PM
I'm commenting from a hospital room in Louisiana, my baby boy battling a fever and leukemia. (He's winning, by the way.)
So I asked him to tell me a joke for you:
Guess what?
Chicken Butt.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
May you and I never again have to see our babies in that condition again. In fact, no one should.
One more, told to my boys by the oncologist, and they totally didn't get it:
Why did the apricot go with the prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
~Dana
Posted by: Dana | 11 February 2009 at 10:04 PM
What is GOODFELLAS? Wheeeee, what do I win? Could you hook me up with a tomorrow that is blessedly ABSENT of baby vomit, nasty diapers, and ten extra loads of laundry? Because damn, I'm tired of that crap.
Reading your post (and then Dana's comment above me) made me tear up (unimaginable to see your baby in that condition), and it made me grateful that all I am dealing with right now is the baby-stomach-flu.
Sending all my love and lots of strength to you, all the boys, and sweet little Marin.
Posted by: Stacey | 11 February 2009 at 11:29 PM
My heart aches for what you are going through. After reading all the comments tonight I cried and then thought about how blessed we are to live at a time where children can be treated for all these awful illnesses. Thank God for skilled doctors. Cindy and you are super moms. Sending lots of hugs, love debi
Posted by: debi | 12 February 2009 at 12:06 AM
Oh Molly! I am crying as I read this entry and I wish so much that you and sweet little Marin didn't have to go through such an ordeal. My thoughts are prayers are with you.
*hugs*
Posted by: Laylabean | 12 February 2009 at 12:22 AM
Poor Marin and poor you (and the rest of your family too). I guess the positive thing is that you're in a good hospital and every minute takes you closer to going home. It is so unfair, but I'm sure she will get better, soon, and this will fade into a memory that you choose not to visit too often. I'm useless at remembering jokes but will go and find you one. Love and hugs
Posted by: Nikki | 12 February 2009 at 04:45 AM
Keeping you in my prayers.
A Joke:
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You DO her!
(when my GRANDMA told me that joke,(oh, yes, she did) the language was much more colorful. And then she EXPLAINED it. Gah.)
Hugs from the Deep South!
Posted by: Jen L. | 12 February 2009 at 07:57 AM
OK, here's one.
I phoned the local gym and asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. The said: 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.
Posted by: Nikki | 12 February 2009 at 07:59 AM
Hey there! Hang in there. I hate the waiting, I'm not a very patient person, really ... and then waiting without full Internet availability? Unimaginable!
Hope you & Marin had a good night. Make sure you're trying to get some rest - and if you can't? Try to find a big brownie or some ice cream for breakfast.
Posted by: Michelle Zoromski | 12 February 2009 at 08:47 AM
So glad to hear that she made it out of surgery okay. You all are still in my prayers and she continues to recover. And to think I was a bit of a wreck when Dom had tubes put in his ears simply b/c they had to put him to sleep. I can't imagine going to see him after and seeing what you saw with poor baby Marin. I hope the fever goes away and you guys get to go home as soon as possible.
For some funny?
Dom watched Earl a couple of weeks ago and picked up a line from the show...."Wakey, wakey, hands on snakey." Yeah, Tony was so proud, literally. Me? Thankfully, I've finally got him trained to NOT say that. So, his new favorite saying? "What's up monkey butt." (Home Alone 3)
Mia's new joke is: Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Awwwww, don't cry little baby.
Take care!
Posted by: Hilary | 12 February 2009 at 09:11 AM
Even though you say you fell apart, you sounds like you're doing so well through all of this. Keep your chin up, you're doing great! I'll be praying that Marin kicks that infection to the curb in no time.
Posted by: Parsing Nonsense | 12 February 2009 at 09:24 AM
Totally Casino! Right?
I've got a good one for you! I got this in an email today and it's hilarious!
Baptizing a drunk
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?'
The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?'
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'
Still praying for you guys. I hope that fever goes down and you get to take your baby girl home soon.
Posted by: Rachel | 12 February 2009 at 11:43 AM
Oh Molly, I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I pray for your strength and Marin's full recovery.
Here's a joke as requested:
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.
Or how about:
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.
Posted by: CPA Mom | 12 February 2009 at 11:46 AM
Molly, I'm sorry to hear how much pain your little girl had to go through. It's tough, I know. But you are strong and I know everything is going to be ok. I hope she recovers quickly and without anymore complications. I wish you and Marin all the best and a very speedy recovery. please let me know if I can do anything.
Posted by: Debbie | 12 February 2009 at 11:49 AM
Continued prayers coming your way for a speedy recovery.
Posted by: Beth | 12 February 2009 at 06:01 PM
You are one strong mama! Keep your chin held high.
A joke...How do trees get on the internet??
They log in.
Awful, I know!
Posted by: Karen | 12 February 2009 at 06:41 PM
Oh Molly! I am so sorry you had to see your baby like that! I have seen lots of kids like that and you are right it is a horrible site. I am sorry if I had of had any idea she might look like that then I would have warned you. Actually it would have been nice if the Surgeon or Nurses had of warned you. UHHH that upsets me!!
I hope and pray that what ever is causing the fever will get better soon with the antibiotic.
I agree you need to get her home as soon as possible!!
Hang in there and let us know how things are as soon as you can!
I am thinking and praying for both of you!
Love,
Sheila
Posted by: SheilaB | 12 February 2009 at 09:58 PM
A chuckle for you...
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. Anxiously, he waited to hear the verdict. The grandmother in all her life had never had such a bad cup of coffee. As she forced down the last sip, his grandmother noticed three of those little green army guys were in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three of your little army men be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'."
Oh Molly I wish I was there to help in anyway I could. I think about you and Marin everyday and I wait to hear from you for any sort of news. I am praying for her to recover soon and be home where she belongs in your arms. All my love and prayers.
Posted by: Mary | 12 February 2009 at 10:04 PM
Should not read out loud...
One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, I did that by accident.
She replied, I know that, daddy.
He replied, How'd you know?
The girl said, Because you didn't say 'A-HOLE!' afterwards!
__________________________________
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, The tooth fairy will never believe this!
Hope these help.....
Posted by: Mary | 12 February 2009 at 10:12 PM
Thinking of you and Kev both. Keeping Marin in our prayers.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He was feeling crummy.
(Told to me by a 6 year old!)
Love ya guys!
Posted by: Amy Guyette | 13 February 2009 at 07:33 AM
I can't even imagine what this must be like for your family. Good luck to you, Marin, and the rest of your beautiful family!
Posted by: Isabel | 13 February 2009 at 10:02 AM
I hope sweet baby Marin recovers quickly and that no further surgery is neccessary. I don't have a joke for you, but go read this post and maybe it will make you laugh: http://20somethinghousewife.blogspot.com/2009/01/i-seriously-thought-whole-playing-with.html
Posted by: Kristin | 13 February 2009 at 07:22 PM
I wish I had a quick joke for you--I'll have to think on that one! Just wanted to add to all the well wishes and thoughts coming your way!
Posted by: KARA! | 13 February 2009 at 08:49 PM
Goodfellas. Except there's no shooting in that scene!
Sending prayers for Marin and co.
Posted by: Kate | 14 February 2009 at 07:04 AM
No jokes, but funny you say CLOWN! When will the internet hear your run-in with them?
Posted by: Jenny | 15 February 2009 at 11:43 PM