Five hundred twenty five thousand, six hundred phone calls

(You got the reference, yes?)

So let's talk about everyone's favorite subject.  My Real Estate Disaster, eh? 

We've got Buyer Showings still going on, Renter Showings going on, and even Tripping Friends Who Think Their Friends Are Getting The House showings going on.  You name them, they've walked through our house in the last three days.

When I last left you, we had a FOR RENT sign on the front lawn and had received eight phone calls in the first few hours:

And then magically, right around 5pm, the phone calls stopped. 

It was good, I thought, that my cell phone was no longer going crazy that we had a handful of interested renters.  I had made a few appointments with people to see the house, two of whom seemed incredibly interested. 

Then when my phone rang just before 8am Friday morning, I figured it was the rental calls starting up again.

Nope.

It was one of my interested renters calling to ask if the house was still available to rent.  "Of course!  And, why?" I asked.  "Because I drove by on my way to work this morning and noticed you'd taken your sign down."

Grrrr.

Someone had stolen our sign. 

Seriously, friends, can you believe that?

At first I thought she just missed it, but then when I went there myself, looked on both sides of the house and in the back yard, I was sure that it had been swiped.

Now what the hell would someone want with a used FOR RENT sign with my cell phone number on both sides of it?  Also, the fact that I shelled out twelve bucks for the damn thing combined with the fact that we need renters left me one angry pregnant lady.

My phone rang again at three o'clock.  And again at three twenty.  And three twenty-seven. 

I buzzed back past the house? 

Sign returned.

What the hell?

On his way home from work that evening, Kevin was stopping at the house to meet with the favorite of our interested renters.  My phone was still ringing, (and ringing and ringing and ringing,) and I begged him to pull the sign the moment he got there.  I'd taken eighteen phone calls while brushing my teeth, dressing my children and running through Home Depot and the Subway drive-thru, had written no one's name down because I am sooo the first time landlord, and had made seven appointments for showings.

While it was crazy and a little stressful, it was amazing after an entire year of rejections to know that SOMEONE WANTED TO LIVE IN THE HOUSE. 

We showed the place on Thursday night, Friday night, and allllllll afternoon on Saturday.  There was Bad Credit Stella, the punky woman who offered me cash on the spot for a rent to own deal before she'd even made it to the kitchen, as long as she could build a large shed for her motorcycle in the back yard, Perfect Robin, the professional with perfect credit, again who offered money on the spot and who we loved, just looking for something for eighteen months while they build their new house.  Then there was Carol the Desperate who was seven and a half months pregnant with her second child, who had to be out of their rental place in two weeks, my God I'm afraid I'm not going to get the house, let's meet earlier, again and again she called to tell me.  Followed closely by Joe, the man who was divorced five years ago and hasn't owned since, sharing with us (and his girlfriend and her eight year old daughter) that he's spent the better part of the last few years drunk and is currently in an apartment lease, but he could probably break it.  And towards the end there was very, very young Brittany (I'm sorry, I HAVE to use this one's real name) and her boyfriend Kevin who were pregnant with their first baby.  I can only imagine they shall name him Sean Preston.

Somewhere during Saturday afternoon's chaos, right in the middle of my painting break (and my DQ Peanut Buster Parfait, thank you) a very tall, very odd, very shaky man knocked at our door.  I, at that moment, was very thankful my husband was there to field The Crazy.

Not only was he very tall, very odd, very shaky, but he was also very confused, explaining that his friend had made an offer on the house two nights previous (HAHAHA!) and he needed to take a look at the place for her.  Finally we figured out through his slurred speech and terrible mispronunciations that he was a friend of Punky Stella (who'd made the recent newspaper with her bar fight, even!)  He was as high as a kite, nearly walking into walls but making damn sure the furnace was in good working condition. 

That settled that with Stella.

We agreed to make a decision by Sunday night, and we did.  We called Perfect Robin and arranged for her to sign the paperwork at 11:30 today.  And then she called at 9am this morning to say they'd found something cheaper. 

Gah.

Desperate Carol was apparently not desperate enough, practically knocking us and her skeptical-about-a-rock-driveway husband down to secure the house, but then failing to turn in her application and return my voicemail message.

Leaving us with a few others who we weren't particularly crazy about, and the next round of voicemails from interested hopefuls.

Now on the books are Esther the Other Rent-to-Owner who has to talk to her fiance tonight, Dave the guy whose cell phone service plays, "I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill" before connecting the call, Sarah who talks reallyreallysuperfast, and Mark, who I decided not to even bother leaving a return voicemail for after listening to three quarters of the "I'm sorry I'm bad, sorry I'm blue, sorry bout all the things I said to you" song SO HORRIBLY LOUDLY on his voicemail message.  Am guessing he had a recent breakup and is hoping she'll call? 

The house is super clean, and super ready for super renters, whoever they are.  I decided to go with a zero paint on the hardwood floors policy, and therefore spent all Saturday afternoon and evening (before I could begin scrubbing down the kitchen and bathroom and changing smoke alarm batteries, that is) removing the adorable Pottery Barn airplane wallies that I once in 2006 thought to be the cutest idea ever, so that I could paint:

Repeat Note To Self:  Never stick anything to walls, ever.  Even if you think removing it will most certainly be someone else's problem.

Neutral enough, using a mix of leftover paints.

I am trying, though difficult, to keep my emotions out of the entire process.  I've gotten excited when renters were excited and desperate when renters were (even more pregnant than I, and) desperate, but I'm continually reminding myself to keep my brain in the game and realize that we have options, even if the right one doesn't pop up in the first several hours of phone calls.  We're hoping this could actually work out very well, and possibly even turn out to be a positive investment for the long haul.

And wouldn't that be nice?

Comments

[Erica]

Practice that lamaze breathing right now. I can't tell you how many times that has come in handy over the years as a realtor/ builder's wife. People are crazy! I loved your names for each potential renter. I guess we all have had our Punky Stella, and let's just say I've made the mistake of renting to someone like that. Not so fun! Hopefully, Normal Nancy will call tomorrow.

[crookedeyebrow]

Oh Molly!
What a weekend and you are still painting? This little baby girl is going to be born with a paint brush in her hand!

I have a feeling that renting will be a great investment for a few years for you and Kevin.

Also, very glad Kevin was home when strange dude came to the door!

[Jenny]

My GOD I feel like I have just gotten off of the American Eagle! Up and down, up and down in about 3 minutes time!

So, what DID happen to the sign? Maybe Stella's friend borrowed it.

[SJ]

Still on the roller coaster eh? And really, what's the mystery behind the sign....any clue?

Hang in there, the right person will come along.

[BetteJo]

Geez .. makes me wonder how I ended up with my house? I wonder which renter I was!! :)

[John Wilkes and Liberty!]

Drunk? High? Punk-rock people from NWI who get in bar fights? Hell, I probably know them.

Good luck on your renting vetting process. Just remember the old "don't judge a book by its cover" thing...for good and bad.

After all, someone rented a place to me...oh, the business casual veneer is convincing enough, but below it lurks, well, not much really. Bad example, but you take the point.

Oh, and I got the reference. I pride myself on my knowledge of musical theater AND (to use the words of the immortal George Costanza) my unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[bubblewench]

Best of luck! I know it will all works out in your favor...

[Angela]

Holy cow!!! What a mixed batch of weirdos! Keep your head up, it'll come ... just perhaps on your time schedulde - isn't if funny how God does that!?!

[Frema]

Forgive me for not getting the reference. Plus, work has blocked YouTube access, so I'm really in the dark! Somebody help a sista out.

Also, I think Jenny hit the nail on the head regarding the sign. Stella wants that house at all costs. She will not be ignored!

[Rachael]

Ahhh... real estate sucks. But at least you have some funny stories now about the characters you've met! I hope that one of the next batch is THE ONE!

[Southernbelle]

One good thing to come out of all these renter calling.....makes for good post information! Good Luck to you.

[HollowSquirrel]

Dude, you must be close to going nutso on these people. I'm so sorry.

Someday, you WILL laugh about this. I promise. Until then, please stay sane.

[Rachel]

Sorry I am just now catching up, but I am wishing you the best of luck and I know you will find someone that will be perfect.

Also, that reference is from Rent, right?

[Sadie]

Measure in LOOOOOOOOVVEEEE...

If you got that many phone calls so quickly, there has got to be the perfect renter in there for you. And maybe they'll stay for years and never have any problems and always pay on time. I have always thought that my landlord must really be living the dream. Trust me, good tenants are out there, I am one!

[Hilary]

I agree that if you are getting this many phone calls this quickly, then the perfect renter is out there and you will find that person and this will, in the end, all be a positive experience. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[Frema]

Rachel--I figured it out. Doh!

[Diane Arias]

OK ... I JUST caught the reference to the musical RENT.

DUH.

Things are takin' a turn girl ... just hang on real tight! :-)