The Whole Shebang

At 6:30 this morning I heard my two children over the monitor.

"KaaaaaaJeeeeeey"

"Jack, shush.  Go to sleep."

"KJ?"

"Jack, go to sleep."

"K! J!"

"Jack, it's not time to get up."

"MAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

I knew this morning would be an interesting one, with getting KJ off to school, racing home to finish cleaning the house for a 10am showing, waiting down the block in the hot car with the shedding, panting dog and the overtired toddler for the showing to finish wasting my time, and then getting back to school for KJ's 11am pickup time.  This week I've also begun transitioning Jack from two naps down to one, and it's been quite the experience. 

On the first day of school, Jack was interested in the parents waiting to pick up their children, and in sneaking a peek at the classroom toys. 

On the second day of school, at the very moment the classroom door opened to let the preschoolers out, Jack plowed through the waiting parents and lined-up children and into the classroom shouting, "GOOL!"  "TOYS!"  I then dragged him out, kicking and screaming all the way down the long, long, long hallway.

On the third day of school, at this morning's dropoff, I bribed Jack out of the classroom which he really isn't allowed into in the first place, by promising drinkable yogurt in the car.

At pickup today, as I tried to converse with my favorite mom friends from last year, I ended up...you guessed it.  Dragging a kicking, screaming overtired head-spinning toddler all the way down the long, long crowded hallway.  Then I almost had to stand on him to buckle his writhing body into the stroller, because guess what?  I was dumb enough to walk there.

This has to stop.

I've spent the last three days cheerfully repeating statements such as, "No screaming at school!  Jack will be a goooood boy at school!  Yeah Jack!"

Holy shit.

It's not working.

And my God I tell you, we are getting serious looks here.  Teachers are closing classroom doors, and parents with behaving toddlers are giving me the furled eyebrow.  Yes, that look I might have given once or twice to other parents when I was raising my first one year old who was not quite this damn insane.

Hi, I was wrong, again.  (Further proof that just when you think you know ANYTHING about parenting, another will come along and knock you off your pedestal faster than you can say Of course I know what I'm doing.)  Twas not my stellar parenting back in 2004 that kept KJ from The Pits of Temper Tantrum Hell every five seconds.  Twas his temperament.  Jackson's temperament tis different.  Crazier.  Like nothing ever recorded IN ALL OF PARENTING HISTORY. 

How do you know if we're in Target?

Stop and listen.  You'll hear him.

The mall?

Listen.

The grocery store?

Yep, that's him.

How do you know it's naptime?

Just listen. 

How do you know I am tearing my hair out in fistfuls?

JUST. LISTEN.

It's Jack, screaming.

Oddly enough, this quality that Jack holds about himself is one that I really love, unless it is displayed for all the general public.  It's that, "Hi, I have a plan! And I am going to carry it out now! Nope, don't care when your plan is!  Please step aside!"  I have that quality, and it really does work for me.  I think that when Jack is older, it will be a great asset.  Determination really is a wonderful thing -- unless you're an overtired, unreasonable toddler at pickup time at your older brother's preschool and the classroom toys are off limits to you because it's the poor teachers very short lunch break.

Maybe if I bought her lunch every day, we could stay and play toys for twenty minutes?

I never thought I would be so glad to see this first week of school end - just so I don't have to return to that place with my small son for four whole days. 

Upon returning home today, and placing the sweet little tyke immediately in his bed, I received a call from my real estate agent.  It was he, himself, who showed the house this morning to a young couple just about to get married.  This couple is just the couple we need to buy this house, with no worries about the back yard or the busy street.  The house only has one bathroom, but it's okay, because they're in love.  They believe they will enjoy sharing that one toilet when they have the stomach flu, and they can cuddle every morning while he shaves and she climbs over the top of him to grab her deodorant from the cabinet.  Unfortunately, they did notice evidence of last week's basement flooding - our brand new grill, still in its cardboard box, quite a little bit wet.  It was the only box we didn't remove from the basement yet, because putting together the new grill is on a terribly long list of Shit We Don't Have Time For.

They said they would talk it over tonight, and that my agent should call them in the morning.  Maybe I could have Jack call them, and really scare them into placing an offer.  That, or convince them to be sure they're really, really ready before they have babies.

Comments

[Erica]

Oh! I have one of those unreasonable toddlers, only mine is now a big preschooler. Sniff, sniff. Good luck w/ the showing. Maybe they will make an offer. Hope that happens for the both of us this week.

[ashley&family]

all of me is crossed (and visualizing **wink*wink**) hoping for a sell this week!

[crookedeyebrow]

My son is 6 and we still have the screaming some days. Last week, I had to pry his little hands off the door way and carry him out of the mall. I was hoping I was done with that...

I hope good news comes from your agent!

[Sadie]

You should visualize the phone call from your realtor, telling you they've made an offer. Visualize yourself calling your husband to tell him about it. Imagine it happening, how you feel, what you will say. And then it will happen! Because THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT WILL BUY YOUR HOUSE.

[your mom]

St. Joseph, you and I have had this talk before... Three of the five people that live at this house have honored you by spending 4 years each, going to a school named in your honor! ( also spending MUCHO dinero on THAT education) PLEASE,PLEASE, PLEASE come through this time!!!!The perspective are young and in love, just like the last couple who bought this house! Please let them see through the flaws and love the place! Praying, praying, praying that this is the ONE!!! God bless. Love, Mom

[AlissaE]

i hope i hope i hope!

did you even know i was still reading? lol.

[SJ]

I'm sending good vibes your way!

For the showing AND the toddler tornado. Seems as if I have a clone of his at home, maybe a playdate is in order?

My goodness, I feel your pain.

[Stacey]

THIS, my friend, is EXACTLY why I come check your blog EVERY SINGLE DAY. My Laura and your Gack? They belong together, because GAH the TANTRUMS AND THE SCREAMING. I'm caps happy today, by the way.

[Laylabean]

Hee! I'm taking delight in the "not quite this damn insane" line.

[Amy W]

Man, I am praying for you and these people.

And Audrey does the same. I used to pick up Audrey first from her classroom (which has toys, no less) and then pick up Ashley. Audrey has now decided Ashley's toys are much better in her room and throws a complete fit when we try to leave. Needless to say, I am picking up Ashley first.

[Rachel]

You just described Alyssa perfectly. I kid you not. Perfectly. I have never dealt with such a headstrong child in my life!

And one with such a shrill scream.

[Hilary]

Once again, it's as if you have a camera on me at all times b/c you talk about Jack just as I would talk about Dom. And yes, it is something that I "will be" glad Dom has one day. He's determined. He's outgoing. He is Dom, hear him roar...literally. While Mia was my good baby, my sweet little girl, she's also very timid. Something that can be good but something that I also fear for when she grows up.