I know what we should do! Let's talk about the house! (Crowd sighs.)

Welcome, one and all, to the beginning of Week 13.

That's right, folks, thirteen long, ugly weeks of waiting out this miserable real estate market.

I wish I could say that things are looking up, but, well, they just aren't.  When we spoke with our selling agent last Monday, he suggested that if anything at all, things should pick up around the first of September.  He claims that late summer/early fall is the hot season for real estate, so we went ahead and lowered our asking price in hopes of bringing in a new batch of buyers. 

Since lowering our price seven days ago, we have had exactly zero showings, so I'm wondering if I should just chalk this latest advice up to all the others, as bullshit.  In late May and early June he explained in his all professional experience, that all of the buyers were celebrating the Memorial Day Holiday.  In mid-June, he swore that they were all at graduation parties.  In early July, people were so busy making star-shaped Jello Jigglers, that who had time to shop houses?  In late July, they all went on vacation.  Had I not seen all the rooftop carriers on the roads?  They were packed with buyers.  In early August, it was just too hot.  People were up to their ears in laundry from all those vacations, and again with the non-house shopping.  Purex, on the other hand, was having a fantastic month.

And here we are, soon to close out the month of August, and he is warning us to hang on to our hats, because the next few weeks could bring in hundreds, maybe thousands of offers.  That is, if the buyers haven't all started their children in school for the year.  Then we can wait until next year, after they graduate.  And have parties. 

On a positive (?) note, we did finally receive a stack of feedback sheets on our showings, from buyers who said Thanks, But No Thanks.  I only wish they would drop these Thanks, But No Thanks Sheets off to me personally, as I stalk watch them from the nearby Dairy Queen parking lot, so that I can dump my melting ice cream on their heads after wasting hours and hours of my day.

Thanks, But No Thanks. 

Heh.

Some of the most popular comments included, "House shows beautifully, but...

• ...what is going on with your neighbors?
• ...back yard is too small.
• ...your neighbor's screens are torn to shreds and there is junk scattered through their overgrown yard.
• ...master bedroom is too small.
• ...we are frightened by the next-door neighbors.
• ...the back yard is too small.
• ...there is too much traffic out front.
• ...we were turned off by the neighbors, unable to run a 5K in the back yard, and afraid of those newfangled motorized contraptions that drive on that blacktop-paved passageway in front.  In that order. 

Isn't that precious?

Over the weekend, in hopes of making our bedroom appear larger, we moved Kevin's giant dresser out (into the tall grasses of the Knucklehead Smith's back yard.  No one will ever notice.)  We also spent another $150 on fall flowers for the front porch and back yard, and for more grass seed to fill in patches in the back.  Beyond that, I'm stumped.  We cannot enlarge the back yard, we cannot knock out a wall to widen the master bedroom, and we certainly cannot fix the neighborhood.  This is not the neighborhood we bought into seven years ago, but it's the unfortunate neighborhood we are trying to sell now.

In my frustration last week, I was so bold as to walk up to the craphole next door and photograph for you exactly what my buyers notice as they pull in the driveway:

(Click to enlarge.)

Here is the back deck, as of this morning:

We were floored when they cleaned it up the week before last.  Unfortunately, it went right back to trashville in no time.  Not pictured are the soaking shoes beside the (open) back storm door.

It gets worse:

This is the house next to the Knucklehead Smith house.  Had I been brave enough to take the shot from a forward angle, you would see the piles and piles of crap and toys and garbage on the porch, 1980's Power Ranger sheets falling from the front windows, and a smashed up, dead car in the driveway.  They had, on a positive note, recently mowed their lawn.  It was the second time this summer.

This is what the lawn normally looks like.  Except for twice.

And this, again, is my house.  Which of these places doesn't belong?

Is it possible that I am being ridiculous taking pictures of the neighborhood I can't sell?  Yes. 

Is it possible that I am overplaying the effects of the neighborhood on the sellability of my house?  No. 

Is it possible that I am letting this bother me too much?  Certainly.

Is it possible that even if we had buyers who would buy a decent house in a falling-apart neighborhood, that they would be okay with the indoor swimming pool that is my basement twice in the same week?  Maybe it's better that we don't have showings right now.  Maybe we should put our efforts into Ark Building rather than neighborhood photographing. 

Comments

[Julie]

I just came back from vacation and was hoping you had sold - darn it! Would your neighbors be totally offended if you offered to tidy up their back yard for them? I know it's probably the last thing you'd like to do but if it would help move your house?

[SJ]

Is there someone you can call and complain to about your neighbors in an effort to get them to clean up the space a bit?

How long do you have left before you can ditch your current relator and go with another one?

And also - maybe ask AmyW (A Family Story) to ask her husband about what you could do? Her husband is a relator (as you probably know!) and I'm sure would offer up some helpful and good suggestions.

Just trying to help....I feel for you.

[Frema]

I'm so sorry the house isn't selling as quickly as you thought it would. It really is a great-looking house, though. You guys have done a wonderful job, both in and outside.

[Erica]

Realtor needs a reality check. The housing market sucks! I have 2 houses, one brand new, the other only 3 yrs old sitting. They have been sitting for 6 months. I suggested firing the realtor (me) but hubby said no. Dang it! You could pray for your neighbors to wake up one morning and have a friggin epiphany.
I don't think there is anything you can do to your home. It looks great. Quit spending money on it and spend it on yourself. :) Those feedback sheet are also bullshit, this coming from a jaded realtor! Obviously they will find something wrong, cause they didn't make an offer, their loss!
Let's pray the feds lower the interest rates and we will sell our houses! Now I have to go see who showed my house and call and bug the realtor as to why I don't have an offer. Good luck!

[HollowSquirrel]

UGH. I'm so sorry-- how frustrating. What exactly? The realtor? check. Your neighbors? Triple check. What the f? Why are people so effing lazy? UGH and there's like NOTHING you can do besides put up the most ginormous fence in all of North America. That would probably be tacky. Damn. I'm sorry. GOOD LUCK. Your house looks beautiful and inviting. I hope some lucky family will call it home sooon.

[Cappy]

I've been following your house selling story and I feel your pain. We tried selling our house 2 years ago. The first realtor was useless - and told us people wanted a house with 3 bedrooms - why show them a 2 bedroom house then, etc.?? The second realtor was all about lowering the price to get it sold (which we did lower it twice). After 8 months with no offers we took it off the market. Then 4 months later out of no where the first realtor found a buyer and we sold it - $10,000 less than what we hoped for but we finally got rid of the money pit.

[BetteJo]

Your house looks great! Sigh-h-h, a porch swing, what I wouldn't give! There has to be a buyer out there for you but it is true - the market sucks right now. It's gonna take that person who falls in love with your house regardless of the neighbors and the market.

[BetteJo]

Oh - luck!!

[Alexander Pavlovich Romanov, Autocrat of All the Russias]

Sorry for the perturbance...it cannot be easy.

The housing market is horseshit, and there are few nice ways to say that. Here in Madison, there are entire brand new condo complexes that sit empty. Credit markets are tight, and the hardest hit are first-time home buyers.

In my opinion, the FRB's move was not enough...seeing as they control the whole lot, I think 3/4 of a point would not have been out of line. They, however, have been inflation psycho since the time of Paul Volcker...but that was like 25 years ago.

In a bit of good news for me, my own version of the K-head Smiths were evicted last Monday. They were noisy, violent, most certainly slinging dope out of the place and as messy as swine. I could not have been more glad to see them go. I guess that means, if nothing else, I know the feeling.

Hang in there...we're all pulling for you.

[Laylabean]

I agree with other posters, you should find a new realtor. This one does not seem to have your best interest in mind. About the neighbors...Oy! I hear you. We have a similar problem with the neighbors over the fence. Funny how they looked perfectly normal when we moved in and in the last four years they've morphed into something else entirely.

[Amy W]

Listening to the comments is great. Because the comments will be the same, over and over. Do what you can (as you have) with the stuff you can't change. As far as your neighbors, I am going to ask my husband what he thinks!!

[Rachel]

Who is your realtor trying to convince? You or himself? The market right now is awful. It was not so bad earlier this summer, but, right now...horrible. I'm sure you've heard all about it on the news time and time again. Right now, even the most creditworthy people are being turned down for loans.

I hope that there is a huge upturn very very soon, not only for you but for our economy as a whole. I don't want to make you feel worse or anything like that, you have a beautiful house, that I would love to live in, but the market is just not in your favor right now.

[Silly Hily]

I think it's all been said. Beautiful house. Sucky market. Sucky neighbors. The only thing that you could have done, you did, which was attempt to make the master look bigger. I wish I had some advice or wisdom to share, but I don't. Other than to remind you to think positive thoughts. All it takes is one person or couple to walk through there and decide that they love the house and don't want a big back yard to take care of and they don't care about the neighbors b/c they don't live with them, only next to them, and they won't care about the busy street b/c having Dairy Queen right down the road will make up for it.

[jenabeeb]

I echo everything that Silly Hily just said (especially the Dairy Queen part ;) ). I know how frustrated this all is getting you. I hope things turn around soon.

[auntie betty]

With the banks being so tight with loans, could you afford a rent option to buy to some couple who does not have enough money for a down payment yet.Start putting your money in the bank, your home is finish.List it in the chicago papers for a summer home. Good luck and focus on the positive.

[Silly Hily]

Pst...I love the new header! But I'm not ready for fall. I mean, I like fall but after that comes winter and winter means cold and dark at 5:00 and I swear I have that seasonal funk thing so yeah, that? I'm not looking forward to.
But I do love the header.
Also, are you staying dry up there? I just saw on the news that there is flooding in your area. Oh, wait....basemenet...never mind. (oops) But really, just checking in on my favorite northern family.

[Isabel]

I know this is a horrible post about your good-for-nothing neighbors and their shitty houses...

But damn, you are a GREAT writer. And your house is BEAUTIFUL!

[Elizabeth]

Those neighbors are totally horrible. That's how nice neighborhoods go down the tubes... but! nice people can bring them back up.
Sorry to hear you're having trouble selling. Our house has been on the market for a year. We have had NO offers until last week. They didn't offer low so we took it! Finally!!
Good Luck!

[Elizabeth]

Those neighbors are totally horrible. That's how nice neighborhoods go down the tubes... but! nice people can bring them back up.
Sorry to hear you're having trouble selling. Our house has been on the market for a year. We have had NO offers until last week. They didn't offer low so we took it! Finally!!
Good Luck!

[LG]

Your house looks fantastic! The neighbors, not so much. I do really appreciate the diagram and editorial comments on the pictures of their house. Ah, the magic of the Internets.