Weight Loss Wednesday, saved by...well, you'll see

In calculating weight loss totals this morning, I realized that I was a half pound more generous than I so wrongly calculated last week. And some silly school once paid me to teach math to children.  Ha! 

Having spent Thanksgiving (and the day after) consuming as much as the cattle down the road from my parents' house, I was pretty sure a gain was in my future.  Then I spent the rest of the weekend sitting more on the toilet than I did on the couch.  That's saying something.  By 4pm Saturday the only thing I had consumed was a quart of Mylanta, three rolls of fruity flavored Tums, and Immodium.  I think, seven boxes of Immodium.  Ok I exaggerate.  Six. 

Are you seeing the universe trying to strike a balance here?

Miracle of miracles (though not so much if you ask my ass) I lost 1.5 pounds this week.  I lost weight over Thanksgiving.  HA! 

Which brings me to an all new number (I believe I celebrate every five pounds, don't I?)

80

I have lost Nicole Richie.  Congratulations to me.  And happy Weight Loss Wednesday.

--

As a side note, be it a very lengthy one complete with pictures, I almost threw in the towel last night.  Like, damn near decided to completely blow it the night before WLW and take the kids to Burger King for dinner.

Both boys have had these miserable, awful-sounding coughs for a month now, and with heavy doses of prescription cough syrup and oodles of OTC crap not helping, I finally took them to the doctor last night.  We left there just before dinner time with no less than five prescriptions to fill, and a thirty minute drive home.  Jack was tired and screamed half the way, as KJ played drive-me-crazy disco in the back seat, flipping the lights on and off and on and off - thank you Britax Marathon for the new and improved reach.  (Grumble grumble grumble.)  I pulled into Walgreens drive-thru and asked how long the wait would be, knowing that with a forever late-working husband I was the only one that would be able to get meds into the kids before bedtime.  Three hours and a sob story about how nine tenths of the staff had called off and she and this other girl are doing all the work and who cares thank you goodbye.   

By the time I pulled through the second Walgreens drive-thru a couple miles away I was searching frantically through the bottom of the diaper bag for even bits and pieces of a sugar pill, or a half-eaten sucker as my blood sugar had bottomed out - coupled with the fact that both children were yelling and chanting for food - high calorie, high fat, artery clogging, ass widening food.  NOW. 

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaydammit, I thought.  (Big on dragging my words out when telling stories that involve steam shooting from my ears and my eyeballs popping out and hitting the windshield from a teensy bit of stress.) 

With only a forty five minute wait at the second Walgreens, and dinner being the foregone conclusion, I was this. close. to going for fast food.  But I pulled every ounce of self-discipline together and took the kids home and fed them dinner.  I had a Lean Cuisine and the picky picky children had peanut butter sandwiches and apple slices.  Nutritional, dammit. 

I then fought them to the death gave them both nebulizer treatments, put them in their pajamas with jackets on top and dragged them back out, in the effing rain because you know the evening from hell just would not be complete unless it was raining, and picked up sixty dollars in medicine.

I deserved the 1.5 pounds, just for that.

And I wish I was kidding about this.

Comments

[Sant]

Hey Low-- I made it through Thanksgiving virtually unscathed as well (just 0.5 up from weigh in the week before)... the only explanation I can give, albeit illogical, is that: you, me, and the two small asthmatic children were sucked into a tear in the universe (you know, that one on US 30). The cosmos then absorbed all 53,000 extra points that we had each taken in (on Thursday alone), and spared us seizing in front of our family members on Thanksgiving Day from caloric overload. (Thank you, Dear Jesus, thank you).

That's my guess... although it could just be that we ate so damn much that our bodies have yet to process all of it (a line at the returns desk the day after Christmas, if you will), and it's just a matter of time before my ass actually oinks at me for the P-I-G I made of myself over the course of the "leave the diet behind" week.

And no, I'm not suffering from schizophrenia... congrats on the 80 lbs- you ARE the biggest loser.

[Amy W]

I actually lost over Thanksgiving as well, although only 1/2 of a pound and not by sitting on the toilet. I wish I could say I've lost the amount of Nicole Ritchie. I think I've just lost the amount of a medium sized dog or a 4 year old.

Hope your kids feel better soon!

[Rachel]

Congrats on the loss!! Bless his little heart. I hope both kids are starting to feel better. You have way more willpower than I because, my ass would've been in the drive-thru in a second!

[Frema]

Sadly, the only thing I lost during the four-day weekend was my self control. Mad props to you and the porcelain throne for really making a team effort. :)

[Stacey]

Poor baby! That picture is killing me.

Congratulations on 80 POUNDS! Wow!

And this was an awesome post...I love your blog!